Kate Heavey - BACP Accredited. Individual Psychotherapist and Counsellor. Relationship Counselling Online. Online Marriage Counsellor. Offering Online Couple Therapy in the UK and Abroad via Zoom, Skype and the phone. Specialisms: relationships, bereavement, loss and alcohol addiction. British (English) expat therapist.
Hello and welcome to my website.
My name is Kate and I am a passionate BACP British accredited counsellor, psychotherapist and relationship practitioner.
You find yourself here as something is not working in your life and you want to change it.
It is true that as humans, we all experience discomfort in our lives and no-one is immune from the challenges and stress life brings. Yet, having worked with people all of my life, I noticed that some have the skills to change and some do not; some lead a fulfilling life and some do not; what seems relatively easy to some baffles others. What are these things?
I feel there are two contributing factors:-
Attachment: - We form attachments to people, objects, ideas, etc. from the cradle to the grave and this can cause conflict within us, and within our relationships. Our learnt behaviours 'work' in our family of origin yet, put us in other settings, and there can be conflict (both internally and externally). The past creates our identity and shapes our beliefs, i.e. what you think of yourself, and others. Then, when things don't go to plan, loss is experienced based on the story you tell yourself and the coping strategies and defenses you have learnt (if any).
Limiting beliefs: - If we believe that we won't have something, then it will not happen as that is our focus and we are standing in our own way due to that limiting belief. All beliefs come from thought and in order to experience difference you have to do different, i.e. take action and shift your focus.
This is a photo of a picture in my office:-
In counselling and psychotherapy we look at the skills you have and how you can change to bring yourself inner contentment which will then extend out to relationships, i.e. what are you utilising well? what is standing in your way? A new lens enables the world to be viewed in a different way. This opens up possibilities and starts to shifts your feelings, thoughts and mindset (mind set).
Ready to take action now? Click here.
**Updated 1 February 2023**
Online / telephone
Thursday - 9.05am.
Please do contact me if this weekly appointment time works for you.
(If you require, face to face or walk and talk therapy in my Alfold Practice, Click here to be taken to my other website).
The 3 main reasons for relationship counselling are: -
1. To develop, change or grow a relationship.
2. To make a decision about a relationship.
3. To separate.
Please note I do not counsel clients looking to separate.
It may be that each of you, whether this is a partnership, friendship or a family connection, is in different places regarding wants, needs and desires and the symptoms of these differences may be: -
- strained communication
- increased bickering
- conflicting values
- circular patterns
- unpleasant feelings, i.e. guilt, resentment, anger, jealousy
- betrayal / affair / infidelity
- trust issues
- feeling taken for granted / unprioritised
- bereavement or loss
- relationship insecurity / anxiety
- life changes, i.e. becoming parents, moving area/country, redundancy, retirement, etc.
- increased alcohol or food use
- low self-esteem, self-worth, self-love, confidence
- unpleasant impact of external factors, i.e. work, in-laws, etc.
- plus others.
We will work with you both on your goals so these symptoms lessen.
The reason you are seeking counselling is unique to you yet may include: -
- feelings around excessive alcohol use or binge eating such as shame or guilt
- processing a bereavement or loss
- communication issues in your personal or work life
- low self-esteem, low self-confidence or not liking how you feel about yourself (self-worth)
- feeling ungrounded or unsafe in the world and struggling with anxiety
- a life experience or trauma that is keeping you stuck
- feeling sad, lonely or low in mood
- relationship issues
- processing a life event such as infidelity, an affair or a betrayal
- a.n.other reason.
The good thing is you are here as you are fed up of living as you are and you want to change.
Counselling is about reaching out and creating a new relationship with you. At times you may ask yourself questions such as ‘who am I?’ or ‘what do I really want from life?’ and these questions can seem the most natural in the world as you reflect on what has got you here.
This in itself already demonstrates strength and awareness as you are here; you know you are unhappy; you are reaching out; and that is where the 'we or three' we create comes in as change can be uncomfortable as you move away from what is familiar and we keep the momentum going.
Whether here as an individual, a couple or part of a 'two' in any relationship (work, home, family, neighbours, etc.) there are two perspectives; two sets of values / beliefs; two different life stories; two sets of defenses and two learnt ways of being in the world. Invariably this then creates difference in relationship which, if harboured or not spoken about, can turn into unpleasant feelings such as anger, upset, disappointment, guilt, anxiety, general fedupness, etc. within the relationship which then impacts not only your relationship yet how you are in other areas of your life too.
My aim from the moment of your initial contact is to help you feel welcome and comfortable. My hope is that you will quickly discover that our client/therapist relationship is a relationship like no other. It is where we work together to unpick your life so you can find healthier ways of interacting and living with yourself. It is a therapeutic relationship completely focused on you where there is no blame, no judgement and no criticising. It is a relationship for you to feel heard, empathised with and tentatively challenged..
In our sessions I will encourage you to engage in yourself, whether as an individual or couple, drawing on your own internal resources. This will help you discover more options and choices (ones that may currently be hidden or you are blinded to). Therapy is about becoming more knowing of yourself and how you interact with others.
Change happens by taking.........
Most clients come into therapy in the mourning stage of loss. Together we work on your feelings and thoughts at a pace which is comfortable for you.
There can be an assumption that grief disappears yet what it is true is that it is not grief that disappears it is the intensity of the feelings that start to dissipate as you start to build a life around your grief.
Grief is the outcome of the attachments and bonds you have formed. What grief / loss counselling offers is a way to process your loss so you find a way to continue bonds without the intense pain.
In the mourning and grieving process you integrate grief into your daily life as this picture demonstrates:-
And you can find out more about how I counsel with loss and bereavement by clicking here and going to my specific page.
Alcohol misuse / addiction is a problem worldwide and studies during the pandemic saw huge increases in home drinking. Why? We are a more challenged, socially demanding, detached society than ever before and substances help to immediately change the way someone feels (although this is only momentary and does not solve any underlying issues).
Additionally, we are also in a society where everything is at our fingertips and we want instant gratification so we are always looking to change the way we feel, which alcohol helps with (temporary oblivion).
Whether this is due to relationship issues, trauma or isolation (in 2018 the Government even appointed a Minister of loneliness) more people are turning to substances for comfort to fill voids to help manage the way they feel or simply to help with day to day living than ever before.
Learning about why you reach for substances, and what you can do instead, is part of the recovery process from alcohol misuse / addiction.
You can find more about how I counsel with alcohol addiction by clicking here.
As a relationship practitioner I am on your life journey as and when you need.
You will come to therapy initially as a stranger. We will then get to know one other, doing work together, and you will leave therapy feeling known and seen. Then, being out in the world, you will once again live, experience and embrace your world.
What any Relationship Counselling Online client will tell you is that I do not believe 'in therapy for life'. Actually quite the contrary; I believe in you coming to therapy, anchoring, learning what you need, and then drifting off again on your life adventure knowing that, if / when needed, you can come back to therapy and drop your anchor. Your initial anchoring may consist of weeks, months or years and if / when you come back this could be for a session or 10 dependent on your need.
For me, this promotes self-soothing, self-dependency and self-sufficiency as you go out into the world living your own adventure.
I have worked with people all my working life and client feedback informs me that I build rapports quickly and am a personable person who can bring a sense of ease. This aids therapy as there is then a want to come rather than a dread / avoidance.
I aim to create a judgement free environment where you can process, and connect with, your own life story. I encourage you to speak your truth and to be able to say how you feel in that moment. You will learn new ways of communicating so you are more at ease within yourself and within your relationships so you can trust in your abilities more.
I am a firm believer that you have all you need within you and by choosing me, you are also choosing you as, together, we bring change.
What I aim to do is represented in the Chinese symbol to listen: -
I am in exactly the right vocation as I am an inquisitive soul (some call it ‘nosiness’!). I will have curiosity about your story and the impact of your past on you now. I will ask exploratory questions such as ‘why’? ‘what’? and ‘how’? and tentatively challenge you so you can uncover more about you.
If you want awaReness, Change and grOwth then I am the Relationship Counsellor Online for you.
I am passionate about counselling and psychotherapy as I know it transforms lives.
I am so invested that I even offer the initial assessment complimentary for individuals so you can meet me and I can run through some of your background and what it is that brings you to counselling (£40 for couples for 60 minutes due to pre-assessment work). This also gives you an opportunity to ask any questions you may have.
I counsel online from my home in Alfold, near Cranleigh and Ewhurst on the Surrey / West Sussex border.
Being based in the UK I provide online therapy for couples and individuals in British time.
My current online work takes me around the world from my local village, to further afield in the UK to Europe extending to the world (I do not work with USA and Canada due to local state licensing laws).
As an English speaking therapist I am chosen as an expat relationship counsellor having spent a year abroad and having some awareness of the isolating issues of being in a community which is not that of your home. I bring comfort of 'home when away'.
Often when clients want relationship counselling online, or an online marriage counsellor, I am chosen for convenience around family life as, through your laptop or phone, I come to you.
Cautionary note: Even though I am registered and qualified in England any counselling work we do is subject to Laws in the country in which you reside at the time of therapy.
Contact from website
Please click here to contact me and include the appointment time you are enquiring about.
Text / WhatsApp / Telephone Contact
Contact 07941 305511 to make an appointment.
Please leave a message and I will get back to you as soon as I am able.
Note: If your telephone number is unfamiliar to me, and you do not leave a message, I will not call you back as I am unaware of your individual situation.
I confirm that both my email account and voicemail are password protected and only accessible by me.
Not ready yet?
That is absolutely ok yet there is a saying 'nothing changes if nothing changes' so only by being brave and courageous will you experience change. I am happy to be alongside you why you transition.
I work in Private Practice Monday - Thursday and I will get back to you within these times.
A quote for reflection....
‘We are biologically wired for connection. When something happens along the way, we can get disconnected and counselling offers a way to reconnect. Together we can achieve so much...
Kate, Relationship Counselling Online
I offer relationship counselling online. I am an online marriage counsellor. If you are in the UK looking for online couple therapy sessions, please contact me. I am an English / British expat therapist. As an online marriage counsellor I use Zoom, Skype, Signal, the phone and other platforms. By providing online couple therapy in the UK and abroad, I have gained extensive experience of different countries and cultures. I work with relationships (i.e. processing an affair, communication issues, criticism, etc.), alcohol addiction, bereavement, loss, self-esteem, self-confidence plus other issues. Based in Alfold, Surrey, I am on the Surrey / West Sussex borders. Surrounding villages are Ewhurst, Cranleigh, Rudgwick, Billingshurst, Loxwood, Dunsfold, Slinfold and Wormley. Surrounding towns are Guildford, Godalming and Horsham. Offering relationship counselling online also takes me further afield within the UK and I have counselled clients in Cardiff, Edinburgh, Chester, Manchester, Birmingham, plus more. I have counselled expats living in Switzerland, France, Dubai, Abu Dhabi, Singapore, Vietnam and Europe. If you can get an internet connection / telephone line, you can choose me.